bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
