You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
