Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you win again, gameday.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think we might need a safe word for this...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize