uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
