ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
