They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
