your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
