Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
