fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
