I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
