a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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