where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
