Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
