You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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