you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Panties = found
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
