You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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