Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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