I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
