I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
