I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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