the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
