Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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