nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
