yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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