Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
