Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
