Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
They have beer where we have blood.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
