Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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