He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
