I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You are a genius and a whore.
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