fuck your aforementioned shoe
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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