I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
