I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
