Pappa wants mamma naked
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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