i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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