I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
