I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Jerry, you need to find god
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
