I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
