You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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