I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Pants are for mortals
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
