we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
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