You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
