I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
