Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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