3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
