He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
