Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
