nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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