i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Holy shit dude........stairs
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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