He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
