Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
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