We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
