Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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