Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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