Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
