did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
