Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
