just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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