I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
