Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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