she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
