Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
