I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize