Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize