I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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