do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He passed out mid-signature
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
