it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I need to sanitize my soul.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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