So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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