Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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