i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
