if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
