I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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