it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
