you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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