i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
