i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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