I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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