if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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